Highway Insights (Part 6)- What are you willing to sacrifice?

When we first told people about the RV trip, we got a mixture of reactions. Many enthusiastically stated that it was an “awesome idea”, the “opportunity of a lifetime.” But for others, I could sense the reservation in their reaction, as if to say “you must be crazy.” Both schools of thought were right. The trip was absolutely the chance of a lifetime and something that will shape our lives forever, yet it did not come without a cost as the constant time on the road took its toll. For those of you with romantic ideas of living the nomadic life-style, free from the burdens of ordinary life let me be utterly transparent, it was a ton of work. I’m sitting here at my folks house, just hours up the I-5 from our home in San Diego, pondering the past year and all it entailed. I remember the preparation we did for the year long escapade and chuckle at how naive I was when it came to the whole RV lifestyle. I truly had no idea how much of a challenge it would be to live on the road, move every week or so, and never feel settled. Yet, if you asked me if I had any regrets I would reply with an emphatic “absolutely none.” That’s the essence of sacrifice. Sacrifice involves a willingness to abandon comfort for a chance to be part of something bigger. And there are no guarantees that everything will turn out perfectly. In fact, the only thing guaranteed is that the road will be difficult. But man, when you are fortunate enough to see the seeds of your labor, it makes it worthwhile. 

This morning Nikki and I went on a walk, just the two of us. It’s been far too long since we’ve had any time alone. We both expressed how difficult the past year had been, testing our family’s resolve and the strength of our foundation. We agreed that it had taken a toll on us and although we loved the trip, it was time for it to be done. Perhaps you also are ready to be done with the craziness of the past years pandemic. Maybe it also has taken a toll on your family and worn you down, but rest assured you are better for it. Although you might not have chosen to make the sacrifices you did, you can look back and think about the positive situations that resulted- maybe you learned new skills, perhaps you renewed old hobbies, your family spent quality time together- make sure you realize that their was a purpose behind it, because when you’re able to see the purpose of sacrifice, you are more willing to do it again. It starts to become a habbit, a muscle that to be developed. Nikki and I  recognize that that the sacrifice we made this past year had multiple purposes, some of which we have yet to fully appreciate. And interestingly enough, despite the grind of the past year, this journey has made us more apt to sacrifice more in the future. We’ve come to appreciate the fact that, nothing worthwhile comes without sacrifice.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out a very important fact- we weren’t the only ones who sacrificed on this journey; we couldn’t have survived without the support from our family and friends. I’ll leave names out to protect the innocent, but you know who you are. From loaning us vehicles, to collecting our mail, to being available for silly RV questions at odd hours of the day— this whole adventure just couldn’t have happened without you. Our closest friends and loved ones were willing to forgo their own comfort for our sake, and for that we are eternally grateful. I think that far too often it is easy watch the protagonist of the story without paying attention to the contributions of the supporting cast- there are too many people to list in a single blog, but know that your help was absolutely vital to keeping our dream alive. I suppose that’s what it’s all about. In an ideal community, individuals willingly giving up their agendas, their time, their own comfort to support others along their journey. I know from my experiences in SEAL training that life is a team sport. We all have individual challenges which we are dealing with, but it is the collective sacrifices of each individual that conquers adversity. It’s funny how that works, the more you are willing to sacrifice for your team, organization, family, the better off they are in the long-run which in turn improves your well-being. I know it’s counterintuitive, but try it out and test my theory; you probably already have some great examples from your own experiences.

Now a word of caution, not all sacrifices have other people’s well being in mind. Sacrifice, as noble as the word sounds, can be self-centered. “I’ll give up ‘x’ but only if it means acquiring ‘y’.” One thing that helped us to avoid this pitfall was prioritizing people over places. We were willing to live on the road for a year if it meant connecting with folks that we hadn’t seen in ages. (Interestingly enough, Nikki and I often commented that when we were in campsites where we didn’t know anyone, our level of fulfillment dropped.) By making the trip about pouring into our friends, it made the sacrifice worthwhile. We met a family of 6 in Texas that had been RVing for the past nine years!! Let that sink in. I talked to the father and told him that I was baffled at how they could be on the road for that long in such a small space. I’ll never forget what he told me. “Mike, it’s only possible when you have a clear mission.” Those words will forever stick with me. As honorable as the notion of sacrifice is, without being part of a higher cause it will fail to have any sticking power. True sacrifice is connected to a purpose that extends beyond the betterment of the person making the sacrifice.

  With all that being said, what was the biggest sacrifice we made on this trip? It wasn’t the limited space (although there were plenty of times we missed our own rooms), it wasn’t the lack of things (we learned to be content with very little), it wouldn’t even be the fact that I had to empty the sewer all the time (Daniel actually enjoyed the black tank flushes). The biggest sacrifice was the loss of certainty. Living on the road, constantly moving, it’s very uncertain and unsettling. You never know where the grocery store is, the hospital, the bad areas of town. When you get tornado warnings on your phone you don’t know how serious to take the threat. Should we really be worried about bears, gators, and poisonous vipers? We’d gone thru the drill of moving several times in the military so we knew all about the art of learning a new area. But this was the first time we moved 65 times in a single year. I suppose in some ways, that may have been the same sacrifice that the world made the past year, not knowing where the COVID path would take us. It wasn’t necessarily a fear of a virus, but a harsh reality that life as we knew it may never return. Life’s uncertainties illuminate the limitations of our control, and that can be frightening. But when you are willing to sacrifice certainty and control, you come to a place of unusual peace. You acknowledge that there are many unknowns, no one really has control, you become more flexible, you are less likely to hold onto things of this world. It’s been a tough lesson, but one that will stick with us. In fact, the more we have learned to sacrifice certainty and control, the easier it has been to embrace God’s plan for our lives. After all, He’s the only one that truly has the big picture.

In the SEAL teams we are taught to “suffer in silence”,  “embrace the suck”, and that “nobody cares about your pain but you.” You are expected to sacrifice your own comfort for the betterment of the team, period. I would have to say that as tough as it was to learn that concept in training, it was much more difficult to learn that as a family on the road. But I’m extremely proud of all of them, for experiencing the “suck” and pushing on even though there were some “I wanna ring the bell” moments for everyone. This trip certainly has allowed for unprecedented growth- we now understand the virtue of surrendering personal luxuries for others, that forfeiture of creature comforts is a choice, and that the hardest thing to abandon is control. But if you are doing it for a higher cause, well, then it’s worthwhile. At the memorials of many of my fallen brothers in arms, a verse is often quoted. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13) That type of sacrifice, where one willingly gives up everything for absolutely nothing in return, is the most beautiful kind. We’ve all given up a lot this past year, but take heart in knowing that the humble act of sacrifice and self-denial is the key that opens the door to a better future for our kids and generations to come.

Much Aloha,

Mike and Nikki