Highway Insights (Part 3)- It’s All About The People

There are a set of truths which guide Special Operations Forces and allow them to accomplish their unique missions, the primary being that “Humans are more important than hardware.” Nikki and I created a version of that truth for our trip, and said that for our journey, “people are more important than places.” Sure, we’d enjoy seeing America’s unique national parks, various animals, historic cities, but the driving force behind our route would be to connect with the many people we know and love. (I owe this idea to my folks as the majority of our vacations growing up were to visit family. ) Everyone would agree on the important role that relationships play in our lives. We want (actually we need) to have people to share our triumphs, vent our frustrations, and walk alongside us during trials. But what does it mean to value people over places? What does it look like to put a priority on cultivating relationships? As we prepared for our RV trip, we pondered the topic realizing how easy it is to pay it lip service…we needed some time on the road to truly grasp the concept. And so with that, we dropped pins on a map of the country, each one representing someone we knew, and looked for a creative way to connect the dots.

One of the biggest drawbacks to full time RVing is the element of loneliness associated when you are constantly on the move. At times this trip has left us feeling isolated in unfamiliar environments. However, by creating a trip around people, we’ve been fortunate to see a familiar face in most of the places we have stopped.  And, it has been particularly interesting to visit them on their “home court”, allowing us to have a deeper glimpse into their lives and personal stories- whether it’s moving into a new house, building a new house, starting a new career, creating a new business- we watched the stories unfold before us, not from a snapshot on the annual Christmas card. We also gained a greater appreciation for their challenges- struggles with balancing work and personal life, working thru the current school year, dealing with life threatening illness. They’ve opened more than their homes, they’ve opened hearts. Each visit has produced a deeper relationship that we can continue to build on in the future. If the value of these interactions was measured by the number of tears my kids cried whenever we said our goodbyes, well I guess you could say they have been priceless. 

There have been a handful of stops in which we didn’t know anyone.  For these instances we directed our focus on two things. First, we have learned that we can be friends with our kids. Yes, you heard me right, friends. I’ve always admired people who are able to naturally shift between the role of parent and friend, it’s something that this trip has allowed me to work on. Playing tag at the RV park, laughing uncontrollably at the dinner table, beating Daniel at backgammon (he hates losing, absolutely hates it!). The spontaneous moments where we have let down our parental guard have been some of the best times to get to know our kids. And despite the lack of personal space (I am convinced the RV gets an inch smaller each week) we are still talking, still breathing and still laughing. The other thing we have honed is the lost art of talking to random strangers. (Ok, Nikki will say that I have always possessed that skill, must be genetic, thanks dad) But seriously, I truly enjoy going around the RV park “fishing” for stories. I start with a generic greeting, offer a humorous reply, and then I throw the hook in the form of a well crafted question—— it doesn’t take much to get people talking. Whether it’s the family we met in NYC who left Oregon with their high schoolers for the year because school was cancelled, the retired military bikers in South Dakota, a nurse practitioner who travels around the country in her RV, or a couple who shares happiness with kids by making them animal balloons…We are wired as human beings to exchange stories. 

So what are the implications for our family after this trip? What are the implications for you during this pandemic? It all comes back to my original statement that people are more important than _______ …..fill in the blank. Prioritize people and I promise you won’t have any regrets.  I think we would all agree that the COVID pandemic has given us a greater appreciation for human interaction.  Don’t make physical distancing synonymous with social distancing, to do so would be tragedy. Quarantine sucks, that’s why solitary confinement is an effective tool within prisons—yes, being alone is worse than being in prison. Whether its the cancellation of milestone events, no concerts in the park, doing school in your room with no one to nail in the back of the head with a spitball— there is just no substitute for human interaction.  Virtual is not actual. The Cambridge dictionary defines virtual as “almost, but not exactly. (ex. You may have made a virtual friend on an online gaming site, but don't expect that person to meet you for coffee.)” Use whatever physical distancing protocol you need for your particular risk factor, but be ruthless in your pursuit of relationships in real-time. You can’t swipe your way to improved relationships with family or friends. You will never regret spending more time with your family or friends. 

Over the past 7 months, our journey has taken us literally to all corners of the country. I’m looking over at our map of the US which is peppered with stickers of all the states we have visited. But what I actually see is a series of stories that are running concurrently, with their own characters and conflicts and settings. The protagonists are working thru their own plots to overcome the antagonist and we have been enriched by every episode that we have watched. They have all improved our lives and made this trip worth embarking on.  The pandemic has made community more challenging but not impossible. Our RV trip has made community more challenging but not impossible. But just remember that no pandemic, RV trip, or any other of life’s crazy circumstances can take away relationships without your consent. 

Much Aloha,

Loco

P.S. So far we have had 41 separate in person encounters which varied in number of people and duration, but have been the bulk of our memory bank for this trip. This does not include the new people we have met along the way. They include Parents of church friends, old platoon commander, cousin, teammate from ST1, Nikki’s friend from grade school, folks from our old church, Nikki’s family friends, people from our Sunday school, colleague from Hawaii, church friends, childhood neighbor, neighbors from Hawaii, more cousins, old friend from BUDs, old boss from Navy, friend from BUDs and my home county, friends from SD church, Nikki’s folks, Pastor who married us, teammate from SD, teammate and current colleague, good friend from Hawaii and SD teams, former Hawaii pastor, chance encounter with friends from SD, teammates from BUDs, cousin, friend from Hawaii, teammate from last deployment, teammate from ST7, friend from Navy,  brother and family, teammates from ST7, current colleague with my new venture, mentee and friend from Hawaii, classmate from USNA, friends from our SD church, chaplain from my old command, current colleague with my new venture, uncle and aunt, Nikki’s folks, friends from Hawaii church. Thank you all for the memories!